The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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