i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
