It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
