did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
