You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
