now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
