Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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