I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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