I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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