My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
