its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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