The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
