Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
