Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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