We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
