dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
