I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
