I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
