I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
