Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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