4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
