i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
