Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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