Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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