Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You don't make any sense
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