Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
