Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
