I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
