I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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