At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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