I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she told me i tasted like america
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
