found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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