I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
