her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
