yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
