her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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