I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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