Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
