I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
