I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
