you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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