Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
