Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
