so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
