break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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