I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you traded sex for a burrito?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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