you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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