my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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