I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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