a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
