how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
