this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
