Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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