Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
